


how it feels to have a heartbeat

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Inspired by Poetry, M/M, idk jeno is gay, so is jaemin! ha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-06 02:01:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20283550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Shouldn't you pass your finals first, then love second, Jaemin?"Jaemin giggles in the adolescent way Jeno thinks only him and rom-com comedic relief characters can make it look endearing, with all his teeth showing and his nose scrunching. "Can't I do both?"





	how it feels to have a heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> theres a rumor going around that i cant write anyone that isnt jaemin.......... and that is true. im in jaemlove
> 
> (this is some sort of word vomit. just wanted to b real gay nd sappy. have fun!)

"Jeno Lee," 

_je-no-lee_

Jaemin slurs the name off his tongue, dictating each syllable with utter care - even from the way his lips move, anyone could see a little bit of love slipping out his mouth, by the gap of his teeth. 

"Jeno Lee, won't you look at me?" Jaemin nudges his thigh, Jeno softly caresses the spot, looking down at it, watching the boy's toes wiggling. He smiles, because this is what Jaemin does to people: first, disbelief, second, pure - unbreakable, astonishing, lightheaded love. It is this simple.

"What?" Jeno plays with him, crooking his head to the side, opening his eyes a bit more, smile floating on his face like a ship at bay, not fully ready to sail. "What is it now, Jaemin?" he asks again because he knows Jaemin's plotting all sorts of love quests inside his head when he is this quiet while staring at Jeno; and it's not like he doesn't want that, he just couldn't possibly count on his heart to not flee out of his ribcage, onwards to Heaven knows where.

"Leave your toothbrush." It's all he says, a playful smile framing his teeth in a perfect, heart-shaped way. Jaemin closes his mouth for a second, then opens it again, Jeno wonders if he's scared something else may spill out of it if he smiles for too long - if Franz Kafka will ease his way into his slender body and talk and talk and talk til' he's dried out of romantic clichés. 

"Here? Is this what you want?" Jeno asks, feeling like a cartoon character laying underneath a tree, with the eventual apple falling on his head marked by the sound of a gong. Jaemin's words are the apple, the tree is his dorm room, Jeno is… well, Jeno. 

Jaemin's eyes flicker with an ounce of giddiness, the corner of his upper lips shifting to accommodate an even bigger smile, "I want you to keep coming back, Jeno."

_Oh,_ this is it then. This is the stage they are in, the one where they're bold enough to say things - adults, with hearts that look and beat alike. Not playful teenagers with adolescent fear behind every word, this was left behind so, _so_ long ago, Jeno can hardly remember.

"Aren't you enough reason for me to want to come back?" He plays with Jaemin because he can and because his eyes get magical whenever he realizes they're love-talking. Pupils getting bigger and brighter whenever Jeno so much as flirts back.

"Am I?" he asks back, lightheartedly. "Am I enough, Jeno?" 

Jaemin's entire demeanor gets lighter when Jeno's around, it's noticeable. His sharp ends get softened and his fingers unclasped, he walks around in socks only, swaying his hips like the lottery is guaranteed for him to win. He leaves his hair unknotted not because he needs to affirm his beauty to Jeno but rather because he wants to, his whole body aches to. 

"You are. And you already know." Jeno smiles, watching as Jaemin bites back an answer, careful not to give away all his wants in a single second. They'll leave that for later. 

"I know. I just like it when you're here, Jeno Lee." Jaemin repeats his name as a mantra, rolling and enrolling it in his tongue as if it's a different language he's just now learning how to speak. "Stay a bit longer - I wouldn't mind forever."

Jeno can feel his heart settling, growing roots right between Jaemin's white sheets, he can sense the flowers scratching the back of his throat, ready to fully bloom. He'd let it if he could - but things take time, patience, maybe more than a toothbrush, and a haze-less head. 

"The autumn seems nice," Jeno breaks Jaemin's thoughts, "let's survive autumn and then we'll see. _Hm?"_

Childhood's tender memories fall onto him. Hours and hours spent playing by the balcony, bruising knees or gazing at the stars by the grass at the back of his house. He's reminded of dead leaves and the end of desperate summers permanently buzzing their ears; of Jaemin's hand in his for the first time and peppered kisses all over his face. 

When he looks back at Jaemin, he sees the boy staring down at his hands, lost in whatever's bugging his head. "What's bothering you?" He asks, voice barely above a whisper, snapping him out of his wrinkled eyebrows.

"Nothing." He takes a look at Jeno, face getting visibly softer. "Just thinking about how hard things are getting, I like that you soothe it a little."

Jeno smirks, "Just a little?"

"I mean it," he sighs, not in the slightest bothered by Jeno's comment. "I don't think too much when I'm with you. I see it as a bonus sort of deal; You take so much space on my mind - plus, I get to kiss you." 

_You take so much space on my mind._ Does it leave any for other things? Or is it just full of _Jeno, Jeno, Jeno and Jeno?_

He's running short on things to say, the slightly older boy thinks, running short on ways to confess. "Shouldn't you pass your finals first, then love second, Jaemin?" 

Jaemin giggles in the adolescent way Jeno thinks only him and rom-com comedic relief characters can make it look endearing, with all his teeth showing and his nose scrunching. "Can't I do both?"

There goes Jaemin again, basking in youth and Virginia Woolf's lifetime work, loving as revolutionary act more than just for the sake of it; There goes Jaemin, dancing right in the center of all beauty and chaos, like life's nothing but a mere metaphor for him to scribble on his journey.

"Who am I to know," Jeno starts, eyes getting tinier til' they are just reflections of the moon in an empty river, "when I don't live up that crazy head of yours, Jaemin?"

His eyes light up, mirroring movies whenever a main character has an idea. "Do you want to? Live up here?" his smile gets bigger and Jeno wonders if his teeth don't ache from being out in the open for such a long time. "There's a couch and a -" he takes a second, Jeno knows what's yet to come: "There's a couch and a toothbrush."

_Moonstruck,_ Jeno thinks, it's what Jaemin might be. Could there be a saner place for Jaemin to originate from than the moon itself? Could he be from down the street, next to the post office when he looks like that? When his eyes hold years worth of devotion and love-dripping poems? Could he even, possibly be human and not a vessel for tenderness and moonlight?

"I like that," Jeno assures him, noticing his own voice dripping with honey. "It must be cozy." 

At this point, neither of them have a clue on what's actually being talked about. Jaemin's college books are displayed at his desk, looking wide-eyed at both of them - And Jeno feels… _shy._ He feels like a little kid around Jaemin and his antics, like he isn't fully grown (perhaps, fully ready?) to take the other boy and his attitude.

Not that it is too much for him - it isn't, it's just quite troublesome, Jaemin dares and _dares_ Jeno to give in, to love recklessly. Could Jeno possibly do that? Give up his brakes? Take his knee pads off and dare the world to scrape his knees alongside Jaemin?

_What is Jaemin - what is this boy, as far as the word goes, but the embodiment of risk taking?_

Jaemin smiles at him like he's reading his thoughts, basking in Jeno's insecurity to make himself younger. "It is." He assures him, staying quiet for a bit then resuming his words: "It has plenty of room for you."

_For you._ For everything we'll do to each other, Jeno thinks, rip our guts out, kiss until our lips are buzzing, collectively scream at the top of our lungs to songs echoing on the radio, bleed and bleed and then bleed a bit more but then - settle, just as Jeno wants. Create roots underneath Jaemin's duvet, giggle and stay in place for more hours they can count.

This is what love is. This is what I want, Jeno thinks, _I'll leave the toothbrush._

_Or a scarf, then I'll forget my shoes so I can linger by the door a few seconds more before my way out. Eventually, my heart, right on top of your dresser. Lock it inside a drawer and take the key with you._

**Author's Note:**

> i was trying to keep this acc as cryptic as i could but then....... fuck it! hit me up on twt @ fffunghoul if u want nd cc @ retrofuturisms !! ty for reading


End file.
